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3 Tips for Restoring Closeness when Stress and Hard Times Make Couples Drift Apart

Have these scary times been taking a toll on your most intimate relationship?

If so, you’re not alone. Fear and stress can lead to impatience and anger. Then, suddenly you might find yourself arguing with the person you love and feeling like you’re drifting apart.

But this is not because you’re spending too much time together in the current lock-down.  Paige Marrs, PhD and Don Marrs, co-authors of Grabbing Lightning: The Messy Quest for an Extraordinary Lovesay it’s more about the way fear affects loving feelings and our ability to connect.

With decades of experience helping people overcome the negative effects of fear on love, Paige and Don share 3 steps to restoring closeness when you find yourself drifting angrily away from your partner.

These practices will not only help your relationship make it through these stressful times: once you make them a habit, they’ll also help lift your relationship into new dimensions of love and wellbeing in good times. Here are the 3 tips

1. De-escalate yourself—before you try to de-escalate the argument

Create the deliberate, internal adjustment that will dissolve your inner angst enough that you regain access to your caring heart and clear mind. After that, you’ll be better prepared to truly reconnect with your partner.

2. Restore the loving connection between you—before you get into a conversation

It’s so tempting to go straight into discussing whatever went awry so you can fix it quickly.  

But don’t! Your pain comes from the disconnect between you and your beloved—not from the issue that triggered the argument. So take a moment to approach him or her in a way that brings you back to feeling the love between you. With that bond restored, the subsequent discussion will go a lot better.

3. Listen and speak to create deeper understanding—before trying to find a resolution

Attempts to go straight for a solution once you’re talking can easily backfire and restart the tension. But not if you focus on two objectives. When it’s your turn to listen, do so from a genuine desire to understand your beloved more deeply. Then when you’re speaking, do so in a way that makes it easy for your beloved to hear you without getting triggered again.

About the Author

New York Trend is a weekly news publication that focuses on issues and lifestyles of the African & Caribbean American communities throughout the New York metropolitan area and Nassau and Suffolk Counties of Long Island. It is a respected and well recognized news publication that has been in existence since 1989. Owner, Publisher and Executive Director, Dr. Teresa Taylor Williams has been at the helm of this award-winning publication since its inception. New York Trend continues to be the only black woman-owned, metropolitan newspaper in New York and Long island. New York Trend is the largest black-owned newspaper throughout Nassau and Suffolk counties.

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