2nd Acts: The World’s Leading Online Dating Expert Shares 166 Practical, No-Nonsense, Step-by-Step Approaches to Romance
ONE NAME STANDS OUT in the ever-evolving world of modern dating: Andrea McGinty.
Andrea, a trailblazing entrepreneur and dating expert, has spent over 30 years helping singles navigate the path to meaningful relationships. From founding It’s Just Lunch—a global matchmaking service that set up over 30,000 first dates—to launching 33000Dates.com, she has continually redefined how people connect, especially those over 50.
With her latest book, 2nd Acts, Andrea offers a fresh, strategic approach to dating in midlife and beyond. In our conversation, she shares her expertise on building confidence, embracing change, and finding love in the next chapter of life.
Q: From “It’s Just Lunch” to 33000Dates.com, you’ve been at the forefront of the matchmaking and dating industry for decades. What inspired you to shift your focus to online dating coaching?
A divorced friend! I sold my company, It's Just Lunch, in 2010 after 20 years, having built it to 110 locations worldwide for two reasons: I had two great offers (private equity and www.match.com) and saw the writing on the wall—the online dating space was finally getting its act together, and it was going to eventually be a much better platform to meet people than matchmaking with just the critical mass of people online versus matchmaking with small pools of members to choose from.
My friend Mark, who was divorced, called me in 2011 to tell me about the disastrous dates he was having online and the poor quality of women. After listening to him complain, I said, “Mark, give me your login and password, and let me investigate.” Here’s what I found (keep in mind that Mark is an educated, good-looking professional and CFO at a large company): he had terrible photos, including one of him working out without a shirt on. He also had a bio that began with, “I can’t believe I am doing online dating….” Ugh. I fixed his photos, re-wrote his bio, and within two weeks, he was dating women he really liked. A month later, he met Sara, whom he eventually married.
From there, it was off to the races. Mark referred friends to me, and 33000Dates.com was born. People needed help with online dating, from choosing the correct platform, the right type of photos, an engaging and quirky bio, and help messaging and getting to the first date! I always loved what I did at It’s Just Lunch, and I loved this even more as the selection of matches for my clients had increased exponentially!
Q: With so many dating apps available, how can singles—especially those over 40—identify the right platform for their needs?
That’s exactly why people hire me. There are over 1,400 dating platforms in the U.S., and people get very discouraged if they choose the wrong one, which is easy to do. For example, the most common way people choose is what worked for their friends. But this won’t work for the majority of people. I had a call today from someone in Chicago who told me she was on the dating app Coffee Meets Bagel CMB) and meeting no one. When I asked her how she came to choose that app, she said her best friend in NYC had used it and met her husband. “Yes,” I said. “CMB is strong in NYC and Los Angeles with almost no presence in the Midwest.” It was the wrong site for her!
In the Tri-State area, I’d recommend starting with two sites and paying for them. Do not use a free site—you (and your potential dates) need skin in the game! Only commit to the sites for one month.
When clients work with me, I use strategy and research to choose dating sites/apps. I use Gallup, Pew, and a few other resources and pay for monthly data that helps me identify within a 20-30 mile radius what my client is looking for in terms of education, age, sex, income, religion, race, etc. This substantially narrows the platforms down, and we can make good choices for the right platform for each individual client. I also look at ratios: of women to men and men to women. Some sites are male-dominated, making it a strong choice for a woman and vice versa.
Q: What are some of the biggest mistakes people make in their online dating profiles, and what are your top three tips for creating an irresistible one?
Biggest Mistakes:
1. Poor-quality photos. Online dating is a visual medium, and you must have great photos that look like you look today (not 10 years ago, not 15 pounds ago!). So, honest photos! No selfies in the mirror, no car shots, no holding a big fish.
2. Poorly written bios. This could be poor grammar. It could also be long—like a novella! Oversharing and talking about past relationships is a no-no.
3. Anything negative. A political rant, a comment that you/ve been online looking for 4 years, or a statement like, “Only answer if you are interested in marriage.” They don’t even know you yet!
4. Writing a travelogue. “I’ve visited Italy, France, England, Spain, and more.” That is sooo boring. Now, if you did something super unique on a trip, like “I just got back from a 40-day sojourn on the Camino de Santiago”—that’s interesting!
5. Talking about an ailment. Yes, seriously. I’ve encountered anything from knee replacement surgery in March to getting new veneers. TMI!
Irresistible Online Profiles:
1. Action shots. You are engaged in a sport or activity you enjoy.
2. A quirky opening line to your profile. I had one woman, and hers began with “I collect pens. Yes. Pens. Over 2,000 to date.” It was accompanied by cute photos of her surrounded by all these pens. Men loved it!
3. The magic number of photos to post: 6. All candid. No posed or LinkedIn shots. 1 full body. 1-2 group shots with friends or family (Why? It shows you’re social!). 1-2 doing something you love: sports, baking, kayaking, etc. 1 nice close-up shot of you. 1 of you dressed up.
4. A cute dog and you. Yes, 85% of people love this! Sorry, cats don’t work as well.
5. Show, don’t tell. Keep your profile super short and bullet-pointed for easy reading. Let your photos tell stories! I had one Wall Street guy in a suit juggling pomegranates, and women loved it! So much for the buttoned-up Wall Street type, right?
4. Online dating can feel overwhelming, especially for those re-entering the dating scene after a divorce or long-term relationship. How do you help clients overcome dating fatigue and build confidence?
It’s mindset and practice. I am very strategic and approach this in a business-like manner.
Before taking on a new client, we have a 15-minute talk. I am discovering if they are a good fit and I can help. For example, I had a woman yesterday, 53, recently divorced, and she told me all about how acrimonious and horrible it was. I asked her, “Do you think you can go on first dates and not talk about your ex or the divorce?” (I already knew the answer was “no”). She paused and said, “I think so.” I told her I thought she needed to take some time.
5. Your book 2nd Acts offers practical dating strategies for those over 50. What are some key differences between dating at 50+ versus dating in your 20s and 30s?
Life experience is the major one! By now, we know what we don't want. We have wisdom. Some call it baggage—I call it life experience. Your focus is different—over 50, you are not thinking (most likely) about starting a family. You are more financially settled. You know who you are. You know where you want to live.
In your 20s and 30s, you are still rising in your career and “making it.” By the 50s and 60s, you’ve made it. In your 30s, you start to worry about your clock ticking. It’s lovely—we needn’t worry about that in our 2nd Acts!
6. What are your thoughts on the rise of AI-driven matchmaking and compatibility algorithms? Do you think technology is improving the dating experience or making it harder for people to connect authentically?
AI is fantastic! The only issue with the 2nd Actors—those in their 50s and 60s—is that, for some, technology scares them. And they aren’t sure how to use it. As a dating coach, it’s making it easier for people to meet authentically IF they know how to use it. Think of it this way: Most people go online looking for their partner, which is intimidating and like looking for a needle in a haystack. Now, add in AI and algorithms. Now, suddenly, the needle is in a little basket! Much easier to find your mate. If the technology scares you, definitely hire a dating coach to walk you through the process for at least 3-4 sessions. It will make your experience much less work and, yes, more fun!
7. Many singles struggle with ghosting, breadcrumbing, and other modern dating pitfalls. What advice do you give clients on handling these challenges?
Ghosting: It does not seem to happen as often as in the past. However, when it does, you may have hurt feelings (which is 100% normal), but the best thing you can do is to move on. Don’t contact the person and ask why or what happened—at this point, why care? It’s definitely not you—it’s them, and you are better off knowing sooner rather than later.
Zombie-ing: Now, this is more prominent than ghosting. This is when someone disappears and suddenly, months later, reappears and acts as if nothing happened. Run. Block this person and don’t even respond. They’ve shown you their values—they have none.
Benching: This is when someone has you on the bench—in case other options fall through. How do you know? They keep up steady but inconsistent banter with you but no real dates.
The bottom line is that there is a list of these, and what it shows is manipulative and non-committal behaviors that will never lead to a relationship. These are all major red flags and mean stop all communications with this person.
8. You’ve helped thousands of people find love. Can you share a particularly memorable success story from your work?
I’ve had over 10,200 marriages to date. I love Christmas as I hear from clients I’ve lost track of over the years and hear how their stories ended up! I had Laura, 65, a transplant from Southern California who moved to Brooklyn last year—and she was accomplished, very picky, and lonely after losing her mother the previous year. I remembered she had done some sailing while in Cali, and one day I was working on a NYC dating site for another client looking for matches, and I gasped as I saw the perfect person for Laura! He was super funny in his profile writing style—and I knew she needed someone fun and funny to offset her intensity—plus he sailed. It was a match. This Christmas, her card read: Andrea, I never thought I’d get married the same year I got Medicare! Thank you and much love, Laura.
That’s hanging on my bulletin board to remind me, There’s a lid for every pot!
9. Looking ahead, how do you see the future of dating evolving in the next 5-10 years? Are there any emerging trends that excite or concern you?
I’m excited! Just over the past 5 years, I’ve seen a much greater acceptance of online dating by the 50-plus crowd. I feel like the stigma is nearly eradicated. There is such a loneliness epidemic in the U.S.—and the number one cause of a shortened life is loneliness—not heart attacks and other maladies. I want people to find a partner—for some, it's marriage, for others, a long-term relationship. Happy people with companionship and love in their lives live much longer, healthier lives. I just want everyone to find someone… and that’s my mission. That’s why I do what I do and love my work. I truly think I have the best in the world!
Love Has No Expiration Date
Andrea leaves readers with one crucial reminder as our conversation ends: “Dating at this stage in life isn’t about settling—it’s about thriving. Love is out there, and 2nd Acts is here to help people find it.”
For those ready to embark on a new romantic journey, 2nd Acts is a must-read. Andrea’s expertise and passion for helping others make her a trusted guide for anyone looking to rediscover love and companionship. Find 2nd Acts wherever books are sold, and explore Andrea’s dating strategies at 33000Dates.com.